A dark, lazy Sunday. A reflection of my mood, perhaps even a reflection of my life. I sat behind the steering wheel. And, seat belt in place and my thoughts and imagination flying somewhere above, I took off for a long drive. I made my way out of the city into the deserted lanes of the country side. Almost nothing in front and nothing behind. A lonely road, a lonely drive. It wouldn't serve to get rid of my emptiness, I knew. It could hardly swallow my desperate melancholy. But it was all I could think of.

As I picked up speed, fragments of my hair fluttered against the strong wind that blew. Trees that lined the road zipped by as I wondered whether I could leave some of my agony and frustration behind. Perhaps some of them, however transient, did fly away. They would come back to settle on my shoulders, I knew. But at least I had a fleeting freedom from them. And as the unending road unfolded before me, I let myself rest easy.

I thought of flight, of dreams, and of fantasies and music. I thought of the exhilaration, the stupendous joys and the highs that life can bring. I switched on the radio as it played an old favourite hindi song:

Zindagi Ke Safar Mein
Guzar Jaate Hain Jo Makaam
Woh Phir Nahin Aate,
Woh Phir Nahin Aate...

I lost myself in the sweet melancholy of that melody with a glance - so aptly - towards the mirror. And with the poetry and notes of that song, the view of what was behind me was somewhat musical, somewhat romantic.

It wasn't long, before myriad considerations clouded my mind. If only a long drive could drive away forlorn thoughts of our heart! And from somewhere a hidden tear rolled down my face onto my lips. Where the salty little thing came from is perhaps a long story. But it soon evaporated into the wind, maybe without a trace. Yet, whether the roots of that tear will ever be slain, who is to tell.

The future lay somewhere in the long road ahead. Whether it would bring something exciting, who could fathom. Whether there lay something that I've always dreamt of, waiting for me, I could only wonder. All I could do was to drive on with a little faith and some tiny bits of hope.

As I drove on, my mind wondered about the turns on either side that passed me by. But they were gone in a flash. And many a time, looking back in the mirror, I wondered how different life would have been if I had taken any one of them. In that, I missed a few more. And I wondered what it was that just made us keep going straight on the path we are, without a pause or a turn. Yes, I could have stopped and turned around, but we rarely have that choice in life. In reality, there's no turning back.

Then I came upon a dead end where I had to make a choice. And it struck me that a dead end (in life) was so useful, for you had to turn either way. At least you slow down. At least you take some time, you make some choice. And, I don't know if we can do anything more in life than making what we think are right, uninfluenced choices - choices that are our own.

Thoughts of turns and dead ends left behind, I got back to enjoying the drive. I came upon a stretch that was almost perfectly straight and really long and my leg stepped harder on the accelerator as we (the car and me) raced along and the speed meter moved towards the right (or wrong side) of 100. It was thrilling, perhaps almost fatal. Such are thrills in life, but what is life without them.

And I drove on. Miles ahead of me, miles behind me, unrelenting thoughts in my head, the music still playing. And, I drove on.